More than Half of Japanese Men Sit Down to Pee

I’m busy packing now, but I just wanted to direct you to this recent rant from Nikkan Gendai (a sensational tabloid that uber-commentator Naoki Inose has described as a good read on the ride home when you just want to say fuck you to the powers that be). According to the writer’s unscientific observations, more than half of Japanese men are now sitting down to pee.

Question to you: is this true? I’m not sure exactly how this guy was investigating men’s rooms, but find out!

At this one place where I worked (scanning Japanese medical journal articles for the National Library of Medicine in Bethesda, MD) what pissed me off in the men’s room was noticing people purposely not flush the urinals, as if they were afraid of the germs contained in the flusher. There were days when I’d notice that none of the urinals were flushed. Granted, these are NIH contractors, so they know a lot we don’t. But that doesn’t give them some pass to “let it mellow” just because they think their immune systems can’t handle it! And anyway, isn’t leaving stagnant urine around a health risk of its own?

Japanophiles’ Innermost Desires Exposed!

The Japan news forum Crisscross has a great new feature in which users list their “goals.” I really don’t see the appeal of this, but it’s a revealing window into the collective hopes and dreams of the Crisscross readership. Let’s take a look:

1. go to Japan (72)
2. Learn Japanese (61)
3. become fluent in Japanese (38)
4. marry a Japanese girl (34)
5. Learn Japanese perfectly (33)
6. get a new japanese girl friend (31)
7. meet new friends in Tokyo (31)
8. teach english in Japan (26)
9. live in Japan (25)
10. be friends with Japanese girls (21)
11. marry a nice sweet Japanese man and shower him with affection and devotion! (19)
12. Be happy (18)
13. learn about Japanese culture (16)
14. see Memoirs of a Geisha (16)
15. get a kitten (16)
16. eat sushi (16)
17. go to Osaka (15)
18. learn aikido (15)
19. completely master Kanji (14)
20. get somewhere with an asian girl before I die (14)

The aspirations of these Japanophiles (presumably so if they read Crisscross) range from the mundane (Read Harry Potter, wear a kimono, grow out my hair) to the horny (“get somewhere” with an Asian girl) to the ambitious (completely master kanji, dance on bin Laden’s grave, hug a friend in a monsoon). But the goals throughout the list definitely center around “go to/live in Japan,” “score with a Japanese girl,” and “master Japanese”.

To many, these goals might represent the masturbatory fantasies of anime nerds worthy of nothing but scorn. But not to me – they were, in fact, my top three priorities at age 17, in precisely that order. Seeing so many like-minded people really takes me back…

I started learning Japanese at 15, and as soon as I mastered hiragana I was completely hooked. Japan and its new and unknown culture, mysterious and forbidding language, and strange women who actually seemed somewhat interested in talking to me came to be an obsession.

Now, at 24, after two years in Japan, a nightmare relationship that all but turned me off from Japanese girls forever, and landing a job as a translator/researcher, I’ve accomplished all three of the above-mentioned “goals” and can look back and see them for the self-absorbed, adolescent, small-minded yearnings of a high school dork that they were. And I’ve changed – even though I’m still a proud nerd, my interests have broadened beyond just Japan stuff, I don’t feel the obsessive need to live in Japan or befriend Japanese people (though I’ll never let my Japanese language skills slip), and I am not worried about “getting somewhere” with women.

It’s been a fun ride, and I don’t regret for a minute the path I’ve taken as a result of my earlier immature ambition. Living in Japan and learning Japanese first and foremost opened my mind to “world things” (as Mrs. Adamu and I like to call them) and expanded my palate for delicious food my friends in the US can hardly bear to look at. But it also served as the stage on which I ended up wrestling with a lot of my high-school era demons – and the process I learned humility, became a little less selfish, and found out who my friends are.

As corny as it sounds, it allowed me to find out “who I am” and become more comfortable with myself, surely moreso than I could have if I just stayed home. And if I may be even more trite, sometimes to get to somewhere interesting in life, you’ve just got to follow your dumb teenage heart. It may well get you killed, but in most cases it’s far preferable to having stayed at home.

URGENT: Want to Work in DC? Can you read Japanese? We have a job for you!

UPDATE: This job opportunity is no longer valid.

As some of you may know, I am leaving my position as a translator/researcher here at a Washington law firm for the hotter, smellier (but nevertheless totally awesome) pastures of Bangkok. However, plans have hit something of a snag since we can’t seem to find my replacement!

So I’ve decided to repost the ad here in the hopes that some of my readers (or their friends) might be up to the task. Here’s the official job posting:

The Washington, DC office of Dewey Ballantine LLP seeks to fill a part time or full-time position with the International Trade Group’s Japan Team. The candidate will work closely with attorneys and other legal professionals in assisting with filings and conducting research both in Japanese and English.

Required qualifications are outstanding English-Japanese bilingual and English writing skills, professional translation experience from Japanese to English, and a strong interest in Japanese policy matters. A brief language test will be given during the interview. Please no J.D. candidates or attorneys.

Please e-mail your resume/cover letter to:
Maki Hishikawa
Director of Japan Research
Dewey Ballantine LLP
mhishikawa@dbllp.com

[NO TELEPHONE INQUIRIES PLEASE].
Dewey Ballantine LLP is an equal opportunity employer.

Basically, we are looking for someone with native-level English but also very strong Japanese reading comprehension skills — i.e. sufficient to digest any given newspaper article in Japanese and be able to abstract it in well-written English. Feel free to forward this to anyone who might be interested and qualified.

Required Movies for American Japan Watchers

The following is slightly modified from a response to an e-mail I received requesting recommendations for good “films on Japan” such as Lost in Translation of The Last Samurai.

The recent double threat of Lost in Translation and Last Samurai (but not the dud Memoirs of a Geisha), like some other popular Japan-themed films, were all good, entertaining movies, but I never felt like any of them gave me much insight on my experiences in Japan. As an alternative, I present my picks, in descending order of how highly I recommend them, that weren’t necessarily the best-made or most purely entertaining, but nonetheless got me thinking about the US-Japan relationship or the experiences I had while I was (ostensibly) studying there:

Fog of War (2003) – Essentially a long interview with Robert McNamara, Secretary of Defense under Presidents Kennedy and Johnson and WW2 vet who helped orchestrate the firebombing of Japan in 1945. The movie is great on so many other levels, but I recommend this to those studying Japan for the sections that talk about “proportionality in war” and the wholesale bombing of Japan. America destroyed a majority of most of Japan’s cities and capped it off with two atomic bombs. Consider this – the US visited upon Japan heretofore untold destruction and chaos. McNamara asks: was this proportional to US aims? Having watched this movie, it makes perfect sense to me why many Japanese seem to treat visiting Americans as if the GHQ were still around. The film serves as a good conversation starter and a challenge to the bland rationalizations that Americans learned in their US History classes in high school.

Seven Samurai (1954) – I am in no way a film buff (look at my other recommendations!), but this movie is one of the best action movies I’ve seen from any country. Seven guys, and they all get a chance to kick some ass. This film is all about being a man, so ladies should probably stay away- that is, if they can resist the mysterious allure of Toshiro Mifune.

Mr. Baseball (1992) – Tom Selleck plays an aging Yankee sent to play for Chunichi Dragons. Hates it, won’t listen to coach, but in the end learns to work within the system while teaching his stuffy coach a thing or two and, of course, sleeping with his daughter. All you male ALTs out there could only hope to be so lucky! Then again, none of you are Tom Selleck. For better or worse, this is considered to be a pretty well-done “American fish out of water in Japan” movie. Even though the plot is something of a gaijin fantasy, it’s a generally true-to-life portrayal of Japan that can at the very least serve as a heads-up to some of the more obvious culture shocks (squat toilets, low doors, weird guys screaming strange English at you).

Whispers of the Heart (1995) – This is a movie from Ghibli Studios (think Princess Mononoke) about a little girl who falls in love with a fiddle-playing wunderkind and finds mystical guidance from a magical German cat. Boring! Forget the story and take in the sights as she walks around a lovingly and painstakingly detailed animated depiction of suburban Japan. I’d recommend this more to returnees than newcomers, but this movie could come in especially handy during those inevitable “Japan-hating gaijin” periods. I mean, if the Miyazaki crew could find this much to love about Japan, then there’s got to be some good stuff left over for little old you, too. One thing that didn’t sit right with me about WOTH would have to be the “dealing with your own mediocrity” theme that is featured in this movie and common elsewhere in Japanese pop culture (See “Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana” by SMAP). Call me an idealist, but I’m not ready to give up that easily, and neither should young Shizuku!

BTW, this movie turned me into a John Denver fan, and if watching it doesn’t make you a convert, then you should at least understand why so many Japanese people like him.

MXC – Show on Spike TV that’s a (loose) dub of an older Japanese show featuring host Beat Takeshi as he presides over the painful experiences of contestants in a brutal obstacle course game show. I can imagine nothing more humiliating in life than being run over by an enormous, papier-mache boulder and then being fire hosed by a Power Rangers villain as punishment. This should serve as a great introduction to Japan’s culture of humiliation, pointless endurance, and unabashed gaudiness. Sadly, this type of stuff is no longer typical of Japanese TV (at least when I was there, lots of tame talk shows, eating shows, and dating shows – though it looks like pain TV seems to be making something of a comeback these days).

Gung Ho (1986) – Funniest scene in this movie is the corporate re-education camp in the beginning (ribbons of shame, anyone?). Michael Keaton plays a union leader in the Midwest who convinces a Japanese auto company to take over a shut down factory. The American workers, including George Wendt of “Cheers” fame, get uppity when the Japanese managers expect them to work with no sick time or human dignity, as Japanese supposedly do. Never mind that real managers at Japanese auto factories in the US never tried this in real life. The plot twists this way and that, but eventually the workers make a near-impossible promise to become as productive as any Japanese plant within a month – Can they do it? Yes, sort of. The message? If only American auto workers would give up their silly unions and work themselves to the bone, then the jobs would stay. The movie suffers from some annoying performances, one-dimensional characters, and bad writing in general, but it is still worth watching just to see how scary Japan was to the US back in 1986. We let go of those fears a bit too early, if GM’s fate is any indicator.

Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978) – The always-annoying Bears go to Japan to play an exhibition game at the urging of a scheister TV producer, and literally everyone ends up getting ticked off in the process, especially the audience. Recoil in horror as a 13-year-old “bad boy” (signified by a peach-fuzz mustache IIRC) Bear creepily stalks and tries to force himself on an unsuspecting Japanese girl. It’s pure dreck, full of unapologetically racist and willfully ignorant sentiment, and almost unwatchable. Why do I recommend it, then? Because this is probably how your mom and dad see Japan. Redeeming quality: wrestling legend Antonio Inoki makes an appearance. Grunting, fuming Antonio Inoki, folks. His shtick hasn’t changed a bit in the almost 30 years since this movie was made.

Intelligent English-language Japan Blogs

Just thought I’d point our readers toward some stuff I’ve been digging lately:

Neomarxisme: I’ve been following this one for a while, but reading Marxy’s posts has proven especially cathartic these past couple of months or so. His writing on social trends in Japan lets me both vividly recall and better understand my prior experiences in Japan while making me want to get back there more and more each day. Not all posts are on Japan, especially since he turned the site into a “post-blog” (nevertheless still made up of blog posts), but the ones that make sense are usually interesting (the earlier posts are especially educational for the uninitiated).

Asia Logistics Wrap: A business blog by an honest to goodness expert in supply chains. As someone with an interest but only basic knowledge of the subject, my plan is to read through some of these posts and get whatever insight I can. He’s a Marmot reader – always a plus – and calls Thomas Barnett a “visionary” – a minus to some but meaningless to me.

The Bass Harp: Haven’t read much of this, but the concept alone deserves a mention. It’s dedicated to translations of Japanese-language public domain literature, obtained from the awesome online public domain library Aozora. Go there if you’re sick of bookies and transvestite exhibitionists!

An Eternal Thought in the mind of Godzilla: Read this blog in case you thought all so-called “American otaku” who are interested in Japan have nothing interesting to offer. The most fun part of this site has been the podcasts – my favorite is the one about the Japanese Fonzies known as The Cools.

Kaiju Shakedown: I’ve plugged (and contributed) to this site before, but this guy remains the best source of info for Asian movies that I have no intention of seeing.

So there you have it. If you’re lucky, I’ll eventually clue you into what podcasts I’m listening to and the best places to watch “Internet TV” on the web!

Moving tomorrow

In about six hours I will be on my way to Newark airport where I will board a flight to Osaka’s Kansai International Airport (with 3 hour layover in Detroit). When I get there I will be starting my new job as a translator in the administrative office of the College of IT and Engineering at Ritsumeikan University’s Biwako Kusatsu Campus (BKC) which is located in the small city of Kusatsu, Shiga Prefecture, about twenty minutes by train east of Kyoto Station.

Time to pack up my computer-more later in the week.

Koreans in Washington Protesting US-Korea FTA

Yesterday and today Starbucks-addled workers in Washington DC have been irked by booming drumbeats and shouts of “tawn dawn FTA!” (I think it means “turn down FTA”?). The people responsible are Korean protesters (see Fox News for the story), the same kind that made their presence felt during the recent WTO talks in Hong Kong. On my way to an appointment today, I literally bumped into the group of about 100 protesters in the crosswalk in front of the White House on 17th Street and H. Of course I got out my brand spanking new camera phone and took some snapshots:

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Anti FTA1.jpg

These people are chiefly farmers who don’t want their “crops” ravaged by exposure to free trade. I’m sympathetic to the argument that it’s necessary for a country to preserve a certain amount of farmland just in case the globalized system collapses. And I am not 100% in favor of free trade in every sector, such as entertainment, whose protection allows for business models that foster diverse expression that could easily be stamped out by major countries’ imports. But the fact of the matter is the Korean agricultural interests just want to preserve their cushy government protection at the expense of consumers. They can’t be allowed to derail an agreement that’s going to be crucial for the economies and trade policies of the US and Korea.

UPDATE (6/7/2006): The protester are marching past my office again. The drummers sound like an actual marching band, except I think they’re using some kind of Korean drums. One reason the protests are so small (100 or so) is because many of the Koreans who wanted to join them were denied visas. The irony is that one of the benefits that the US-Korea will be Korea’s addition the State Dept’s visa waiver program, which would make it easy for any Korean who had the notion to come to Washington and protest the hell out of free trade.

Creative Solutions from the Cambodian Hospitality Industry

Mrs. Adamu brings us a highlight from her trip to Cambodia:

cambodian solutions.jpg

More from Mrs. Adamu and my own trip to Thailand in days to come.

UPDATE: For those of you who thought this might NOT be the hotel being cheap about stolen towels, here are the $7 towels in question:

towels71964576809_0_BG.jpg

Added facility? Sure… for me to poop on!

Oh crap

I finally got my passport back on Friday from the Japanese Consulate in New York with my new working visa plastered in and I’m finally ready to book a flight over, and the New York Times has to go and run THIS story!

Brace yourself for a summer of miserable air travel.

Planes are expected to be packed fuller than at anytime since World War II, when the airlines helped transport troops. Fares are rising. Service frills are disappearing.

Logjams at airport security checkpoints loom as the federal government strains to keep screener jobs filled. The usual violent summer storms are expected to send the air traffic control system into chaos at times, with flight delays and cancellations cascading across the country.

Thailand Report Part 1: Reasons why Korean Air Rules

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I just got to Thailand on a trip to visit Mrs. Adamu. The flight over on Korean Air was awesome. Let me tell you why:

  • Flight attendants that are beautiful, attentive, yet creepily identical – same height, same skin tone, same body proportions, similar facial features, same voice – think Robert Palmer’s “Simply Irresistible” video meets Kim Jong Il’s personal cabaret troupe. They seem to be extremely weak – I was asked to help load a slightly heavy carry-on bag, and then someone else had to help another flight attendant close a storage hatch. Plus there must have been 5 costume changes over the course of the flight – aprons for the food service, plain white shirts during downtimes, and brown jackets for no discernible reason other than perhaps they look smart.
  • 3 words – BIBIMBAP FOR LUNCH! And not just any bibimbap, this was actually fresh and good. Not the best Ive ever had, but it’s for damn sure the best airline food I’ve ever had. The rest of the fare was only above-average, but the frequent drink services and little perks like ice cream for dessert were nice touches.
  • Personal entertainment centers at each seat – even in coach! In the course of the trip, I caught up on the latest hits in Japan, learned that the US was continuing humanitarian aid to Hamas, saw some movies ranging from the awesome Glory Road and Syriana to this tepid Japanese movie about a boy who怀becomes an elephant trainer. Also saw this insane Korean music variety show in which a) a member of the infamous DJ DOC sang a crappy R&B song with a 60-year-old man; b) Another performer suddenly busted out a line and c) An interview in which an older female singer scolded the younger host for using the Japanese word for “pants” (zubon).
  • Ignorant passengers – As we were about to land, an older Korean couple got out from their seats, piled their numerous carry-on bags in front of an emergency exit, and started staring out the window. It took a minute for the flight crew to notice in time to smack them upside the head verbally and send them back to their seats.
  • All in all a great ride and I highly recommend it – they don’t seem to have a restriction on carry-on bags either.