The Onion’s retarded anarcho-encyclopedic sister

If you’re bored with facts, you should visit Uncyclopedia, a no-holds-barred parody of Wikipedia that ranges from hilarious to downright bizarre. Here is an excerpt from its most excellent entry on Japan:

Lying on a fault line located on the shell of a huge turtle, Japan is vulnerable to many natural disasters, up to and including earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, tornadoes, avalanches and capitalism. The current capital city, Takeshi’s Castle, has been destroyed and rebuilt by giant robots no less than 3 times. In addition, because Japan is a nation full of sinners, they are also subject to a bevy of non-fault line related disasters, such as Crustacean Based Monster Attacks, meteorites, and bad dramas. God has also blighted the Japanese populace with reduced height and breast size, as per the Pope’s request (the incident arose when former Japanese Prime Number Junichiro Koizumi mistakenly ejaculated on the Virgin Mary. See also: Sticky Mary Debacle).

Just about any topic worthy of jokes has been written up. Check out:

ALC to the translation rescue

One of the better dictionarial resources on the Internet for English/Japanese translation is Eijiro, accessed through the ALC search engine. Here are a few prime examples that we’ve stumbled across, to show just how far ranging it is. In fact, if you get lucky you may even locate an entire bilingual text such as this one, which is always a good study tool.

Fuck is the most direct way of saying ‘having sexual intercourse.’

It’s all about the benjamins◆アメリカの百ドル札の表にベンジャミン・フランクリンの顔が描いてある。◆〈語源〉ラッパーのパフ・ダディの歌のセリフ(1997 年)より。◆This phrase refers to the portrait of Benjamin Franklin on the American hundred-dollar bill. Popularized by the line in a Puff Daddy rap song (1997).


Kodocha rulez!

as gay as pink ink


Andrew Sullivan today calls for a boycott of the Tom Cruise vehicle Miss:ion: Imp:oss:i:ble: 3.

How creepy is Tom Cruise? The Washington Post asks; and readers answer. All I can say is: after the way this guy treated South Park, we owe it to ignore him and any movie with which he’s associated. The Boycott “MI:3” movement starts here. Blogospheric solidarity much appreciated.

Well Andrew, I am completely with you on this one, but the boycott does NOT start with you. I was walking around Manhattan with my camera on April 16th and snagged this photo on 9th Avenue somewhere between 45th and 50th Street.

It seems that some people have already had the idea.

As it so happens I ended up passing through Times Square a few minutes later, where there was a pair of tables full of copies of Dianetics, a pair of e-meters, and a bunch of money-crazed bad pulp scifi worshipping Scientologists trying to indoctrinate passers-by. (I normally avoid Times Square, but I wanted to stop by Midtown Comics on the way home and couldn’t remember exactly which cross-street it’s at, only that it’s near the corner of 7th and 40-something. For the record, it was 40th Street.)

All of the following photos taken on April 16th on the west side of Times Square with a Canon EOS 300D and 65mm Hartblei Super Rotator lens.
Continue reading Scientology

Iron Sheik: In Japan they call you Khosrow Vaziri

I was intrigued to note that the classic WWF’s own Iron Sheik is actually known by his real name, Khosrow Vaziri, in Japan. Apparently, the former bodyguard for the Shah did not get the same villainous characterization in Japan.

Of course, the Iron Sheik has popped back into the public eye with the release of some amazing interviews with him:

  • Where he calls Brian Blair “a fag worse than Michael Jordan… I mean Michael Jackson.”
  • And where he expounds his hatred for “loss-bians
  • ↑ This shit is CLASSIC, people.

    FUNNY: Fake “The Office” PSAs on NBC

    Apparently, this is an April Fool’s Day stunt: fake PSAs are being aired on NBC, featuring the cast of “The Office.” For example:

    You might be out with your friends on the weekend in a cool part of town, and someone offers you a beer for nine dollars. Don’t do it. Nine dollars is way too much to pay for a beer. Just walk away.

    In a feat of true generosity, NBC put all of them online. Enjoy.

    Where are they Now? Nasubi edition

    A commenter asked us whatever happened to Nasubi, the aspiring comedian who allowed Japanese TV to kidnap him and force him to survive by entering sweepstakes in 1998.

    Well, as usual, Wikipedia has the answer (paraphrased):

    Nasubi’s feature is, as noted by his stage name (Nasubi means “eggplant” in Japanese), his 30cm-long face. He has sought a dramatic acting career since he started, and is currently active mostly in stage productions. In 2002 he founded the “Eggplant Way” and serves as its chief.

    Recently most of his television appearances have been on local programs in his native Fukushima, but in 2005 he appeared in national TV dramas “Train Man” and “Trick New Special.”

    Looks like he survived his near-starvation experience to go on to moderate success as an actor. Good for him! Check Nasubi’s official website (Japanese only) for appearances. He also keeps a pretty regular diary (latest entry):

    So, so strong!!

    The World Baseball Classic semifinals… The overall game made me numb, but the third time’s the charm! This game showed us Japan’s sticktuitiveness? or its latent energy, it was 110% worth seeing (*^_^*)

    Both teams…had very fine plays, also plays where they had to make up for mistakes, and I got the deep impression that we can be proud of Asia’s high level of baseball throughout the world!!

    But truthfully? Don’t you feel kind of bad for Korea?

    3/19/2006 (Sunday)

    Umm, not really! I was just watching Japan trounce Cuba in the finals (right now it’s 6-3 in the bottom of the 8th). Once, when Ichiro was running home, he actually stopped the 3rd baseman from throwing home by intentionally blocking his line of vision. That’s some superhero shit, my man.

    Real-life “super troopers” in Southwest Airlines prank

    Fuerschbach v. Southwest Airlines has to be one of the most fun cases I’ve read in a while…

    Several supervisors at Southwest Airlines convinced two Albuquerque police officers to stage an arrest of Marcie Fuerschbach, a Southwest Airlines employee, as part of an elaborate prank that included actual handcuffing and apparent arrest. This was a “joke gone bad,” and turned out to be anything but funny, as Fuerschbach allegedly suffered serious psychological injuries as a result of the prank. She sued the officers and the City of Albuquerque under 42 U.S.C. 1983, alleging violations of her Fourth and Fourteenth Amendment rights. Fuerschbach also asserted claims for various state torts against the officers, the city, her supervisors, and Southwest Airlines.

    The full story after the jump…
    Continue reading Real-life “super troopers” in Southwest Airlines prank

    Now You Can Listen to anti-Japanese Rap Song “Fuck Zapan” Courtesy Mutant Frog Travelogue

    DJ Doc
    One of my first posts for Mutant Frog Travelogue concerned the strange case of an anti-Japanese rap song from Korean rap group DJ Doc (pictured above). In my infinite magnanimity, I translated the unintentionally hilarious lyrics:

    Are you going to lie about your own history?! (Hai!) Go ahead and lie, you deceitful pigfeet!
    Pussies! How much will you lie, pigfeet?! Keep on lying, Japs!
    Lie to your mom and dad! Lie to your mom and dad!
    Will you eat your mom? (Hai!) Is that OK? Yeah, that’s fine! That’s just fine!
    Retard bitches! Go and have a seizure!
    You barbarian, epileptic Japanese!
    Mouse-dicked Jeps “Japan is our toilet!”… FUCK!
    Pucking nation.. Chapan is a Pucking nation*4 (repeat 2x)

    The post proved to be one of our most popular and generated comments that ranged from the merely curious (“Can’t we ALL just get ALONG?!”) to the downright deranged (“You’ll never look as good as the white man. so go eat some kemchi or sushi or shrimp fried rice you slit/slant eyed freaks.”).

    Unfortunately, the site I originally linked to took down the audio clip, and I accidentally deleted the MP3 I had. But now I’m feeling generous again, so here it is again in all its amateurish glory! I’ve saved the file here, so this song will never again be lost to history. Try singing along using my English version of the lyrics!

    (Thanks to ZMPK for making the song available again and Saru for taking the time to search for it)