Personal/Blog News – Page 26 – Mutantfrog Travelogue

Adamu’s attempt at the TOEFL essay

The assignment: Write an essay answering the given question within 30 minutes.

The Question: Think of the most important class you’ve ever taken. Why did you enjoy the class so much? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

My time as an undergrad at American University was at first unengaging. I’ve always been the type of person who feels like they’re above the material and already knows what they need to know. Nevermind the fact that my grades weren’t all that great — the teachers just didn’t like me. That was until I took Individual Freedom vs. Authority, the most meaningful class I took in college and without which I may have even dropped out of college.

My first step toward an attitude change was found in the mountain of reading I had to do for this class. Before coming to AU, I went from being a top student in the honors program in high school to a community college where the classes were light on both reading and depth. As a result, I first often didn’t come to class prepared even though the teacher assigned Plato, Voltaire, and other difficult philosophical works on government. But when the teacher called on me to explain the significance of the Allegory of the Ring, I was stumped. The embarrassment of not knowing was a new feeling and I was determined not to have to do it again. From then on, I did the reading and took notes to make sure I understood it.

Harder still was the group work. Our professor split us up into groups and assigned each a chapter in The Republic to analyze and present to the class. While I had worked with groups before in high school, it wasn’t until I met the other group members that I realized that my classmates were not only more prepared than I, they understood the material better! I knew I had to get my act together.

It took a few weeks of chagrin, chiding from the professor, and low quiz scores before I realized my attitude problem was a real danger to my chances of succeeding in college. Thanks to the teacher and my classmates, who consistently set the bar higher than I did for myself, I eventually was able to keep up with the material and manage an A- for the course. The skills I acquired there came with me for the rest of my time in college and I will never forget the lessons learned.

Afterthoughts: Mrs. Adamu said that the structure was all wrong (Topic sentences first!) and that they weren’t asking for a personal story (though I insist they were). Comments?

Jenkins’ Trip to NC

Charles Jenkins, the man who deserted the US Army to face a living hell in North Korea, is back in Japan after visiting his mother in North Carolina. He enjoyed his ~~2-week~~ weeklong visit to his hometown, and we know this for a fact because reporters were in his face the whole time. Jenkins and family were greeted by a line of photographers and reporters starting at Narita airport, a similar line when he touched down in North Carolina, and from the beginning to the end of his trip the media followed him as if he were the pied piper. To show you how closely he was followed, just take a look at the things they covered:

Jenkins meets his mother

Jenkins gives present to friend
Jenkins visits graveyard

Jenkins and family go bowling
Jenkins visits Veterans’ Museum (For this story, I saw on Japanese TV news that a reporter shoved a microphone into Hitomi Soga’s face as she was viewing the exhibit to ask, “What do you think about the museum?”
Jenkins visits lake where he used to play as a child

They followed him EVERYWHERE. Before he came, I naively considered going to NC (only 3 hours away) to try and interview him. I was unprepared, however, for the absolute explosion of coverage that followed his arrival.

My boss explained the obvious to me: the kidnapping story captures the Japanese public’s attention on a level that goes beyond even America’s fascination with the Michael Jackson case. As a result, reporters are never far from Jenkins or Soga. While they may have stopped recording his every move during the period of downtime preceding his trip to the US, they were hot on his trail as soon as something dramatic happened. The media scramble might be a little distasteful, but I must admit I eat it up like the glutton I am.

But why is he putting up with this bullshit? I mean, there are ways to avoid reporters if you want to. The answer to that, I believe, is that the publicity keeps him in the public eye and will make it easier for him to sell his memoirs when they come out. Time Asia bureau chief Jim Frederick is working closely with the former defector to get his biography written and published. I know I’ll get it as soon as it comes out.

UPDATE: NKZone points us to a THINK News‘ link to a sympathetic editorial from the Raleigh News & Observer.

Political Spectrum

I was a little shocked the other day to notice that Nora Sumi Park listed this blog as moderate conservative. I’d always considered myself considerably more to the left on the left/right axis and I’m wondering exactly what it was we’ve said here that gave a ‘moderate conservative’ vibe. Not that I’m angry about it-after all the qualifying ‘moderate’ says an awful lot, but still just to be sure I went and took the fairly detailed quiz over at PoliticalCompass.org to reassure myself that I had not been living a lie, only just now unmasked by Ms. Park’s insight.

My score: (values can range from -10 to +10 on either axis)
Economic Left/Right: -4.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.05

Adam’s score:
Economic Left/Right: -5.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.03

That puts me somewhat left on the economic axis and pretty far on the libertarian social axis-roughly in the same territory as Nelson Mandela and Ghandi, and almost exactly in the same spot as the Dalai Lama. So why the moderative conservative label? I think there’s actually a reasonable explanation. One, I almost never write about any US domestic issues, or even US related international issues such as the occupation of Iraq, war on terror, etc. Domestic issues, the sort of thing that’s actually decided by the politicians that I have the [theoretical] right to elect, are the places where I think political orientation is really most significant.

When I write about politics at all, it’s usually a foreign issue that has nothing to do with the US, such as the Yasukuni or textbook issues, and I also don’t make a big point of giving my own opinion. These are issues I find interesting, but have nothing to do with me personally or emotionally, so I try to just explain what’s going on in a neutral way, without. Perhaps because I’ve spent some time trying to explain the Japanese right in a fairly impartial way it seems like I don’t actually despise them? Just because I wrote an article trying to explain how Koizumi’s Yasukuni pilgrimage is really about placating people far more conservative than he is himself doesn’t mean that I don’t think it’s offensive and provocative-but I’m not the person that it’s offending and I’m not doing this because I think my own opinions are all that fascinating.

I’m curious what some of our regular readers and commenters score on this test, and if it varies at all from your usual political self identification. Care to leave your results

Philly Cheesesteaks Suck — My trip to Philadelphia

First, let me tell you why I’m writing this: THE HYPE SURROUNDING PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS IS A LIE AND MUST BE STOPPED. They are disgusting and deserve none of the fame that they have gained. Now let me explain:

I recently had the chance to visit beautiful Philadelphia with Mrs. Adamu. The first capital of the United States includes a major monument to its role in the American Revolution in the center, which was certainly very impressive but not quite impressive enough to actually make me wait in line to see the liberty bell. Mrs. Adamu and I were soon bored, on our way home we decided to try the famous Philly Cheese Steak at Geno’s Steaks in South Philly — the biggest mistake I’ve made in a long time.

I felt betrayed as soon as I took the first bite and was greeted with hot blandness. All the hype, all the anticipation amounted to this:

Listen to the ingredients: Steakums, cheez whiz, and chopped onions on a soggy Portuguese roll. WTF? That’s it? This is the same crap I’ve been heating up in the microwave as a last resort food for years! What gives, Philadelphia??

The only thing that made it edible was the hot sauce that was available in the condiments section. At least then there was something to taste.

Initially I blamed myself. Had Japan tainted my taste buds so that I can no longer enjoy classic American food? Mrs. Adamu, a native Japanese, supported this initial suspicion. But then, no, I reasoned, I still like root beer, cheeseburgers and pancakes, so I must still be American enough to have an objective opinion.

So how could this have happened? Millions of people must be cheated out of their money each year based on the false assumption that something is different about Steakum sandwiches in Philadelphia. What a scam.

Clearly the cheese steaks are popular — there were stands all over the historical district and both Geno’s and the place across the street were lined up. Why weren’t more people spitting out their food and demanding their $6.50 back? I mean that’s a lot to pay for what’s basically the equivalent of peanut butter and jelly.

The answer came to me in a message from God. Without warning someone in a car shouted “NAZI FUCKS!!!!” in our general direction and sped off. Were they talking to me? (I shave my head so who knows) I looked around:

(Read here for more about this guy and Mumia)

(Note the tribute to 9-11 next to the Freedom Fries — aside from us and some other tourists, the rest of the customers were cops and firemen)

It was at once obvious that this place that serves its dubious delicacies with a heaping help of local pride and admiration for the most prominent local heroes, cops and firemen. These people don’t come here for good food, they come here because it’s part of their identity.

Now, that’s all well and good, but why must cheesesteaks then become something pawned off on unsuspecting out-of-towners? Perhaps because without cheesesteaks and the liberty bell, there isn’t exactly much to differentiate Philly from, say, Boston, DC, or other second-tier American cities. Yet I can’t accept the idea that any claim to fame is better than none. You might as well brag about having the world’s best green beans. These things are BLAND, BORING, AND SHAMEFUL. All Philadelphians with any self-respect would do well to shut these scheisters down before they can do any more harm. Besides, I hear they’re run by Nazis.

Arrival in Taipei

I’m dead tired. I arrived in Newark airport at about 10pm New York time tuesday night. Boarding at 12.30 Five hour flight to Seattle. Two hour wait. Twelve hour flight to Taipei’s Chiang Kai Shek airport, arrival 7.30am. Bus to Taipei station. On the way I pass Mosburger several times. Mosburger is the Japanese answer to McDonald’s, and the absolute unrivaled king of burger-form fastfood. Not aware that it existed anywhere outside of Japan I am thrilled far out of proportion to the actual significance of this discovery.

Arriving at the train station it takes me a few minutes to figure out exactly where the hostel is. Thirteenth floor of a building, above an electronics mall with Acer, Apple, iRiver, Asus, MSI, BenQ stores is not the place one you would expect to find a youth hostel, but when they said “right across the street from Taipei main station” they meant it-doubting only causes me to walk back and forth a few times, the strap of my portable computer carrying case wearing out my shoulder muscles.

I check in, I prepaid on the internet but I don’t have an Internation Youth Hostel membership card so I give him a few dollars to register for one of those before I’m allowed in. I’m sharing a room with a couple of Japanese guys who just arrived from Korea and leave for the Phillipines in a week. They are planning to travel all the way around the world. “How long will it take”, I ask.” Hmmm, maybe a year”, Ohta ventures. Clearly their plans are not fixed. I ask what their plan for the day is? “I think we’ll go see this”, he says. “What?” I ask stupidly, when I realize he is wearing a yoda shirt, and his friend (whom I think is named Kobayashi) has Darth Vader on his chest. “Ah yes, I saw that last week. Definitely better than the last two. But of course, if you’re enough of a fan to wear a t-shirt there’s really no question about going is there?”

I go to take a shower. Slightly confused at first, as the toilet stalls and shower stalls are the very same. Let me be clear, because I thought my eyes deceived me at first. The shower is mounted above the toilet, and the toilet seat becomes soaked as you shower next to it. I suppose it’s an efficient use of space, but I am a little shocked. This design would be anathema in Japan, where they don’t generally even allow the toilet and shower to be separate stalls in the same room, much less so… interactive.

I go down the block to the subway station, and look around the underground bookshop for a while before I go into the purchase area. I’m pleased to see that a moderately sized general bookstore has specifically marked off sections for fantasy and science fiction. It is all in Chinese, but I notice that much of it is translated from Japanese authors, and probably most of the rest from western languages. I also note that there are books in English scattered throughout the store, mixed in with the appropriate topical section, not segregated in an English corner. I recall what I had read about the linguistic history of Taiwan. Originally inhabited by aborigines speaking Pacific island languages, Fujianese and Hakka settlers from southern China, colonization by Dutch, expulsion of the Dutch and a larger influx of Chinese, speaking a mix of southern dialects. Annexation by Japan around turn of 20th century, imperial rulers gradually implement replacement of Chinese with Japanese, particularly effective in education and literary worlds-for a time in the 30’s and 40’s even native Taiwanese are writing literature in the Japanese language. Following Japan’s defeat in the second world war Taiwan is given to the Republic of China, the government of which decides to supress Japanese as well as all non-Mandarin dialects, a policy which continues in full force until the 80’s and I believe is still gradually leveling off. The author’s theory seemed to be that the history of language on Taiwan has led to a culture in which many people have a more relaxed distinction between native and foreign languages. I consider that a single bookstore in which English books are shelved alongside Chinese books does not make for a broad sample.

Slate mentions me but forgets to link

I’m honored to be quoted in Slate’s Today’s Blogs feature:.

Dissent under the bridge: Many bloggers are riveted by a video showing men hanging an anti-Kim Jong-il banner under a bridge. Since being smuggled out of North Korea, it has caused a furor in Japan and South Korea; “it is the first evidence of a nascent dissident movement inside North Korea.”

“There is controversy over what motivated the filmmakers—pure hatred for the regime or the knowledge that Japanese television stations would pay thousands for such footage. But why should it matter? It’s solid proof of dissent in a nation of people supposedly brainwashed into slavish reverence for a dumpy, bespectacled tyrant whose entire wardrobe consists of khaki windbreakers,” opines Kerry Howley on Hit & Run, Reason magazine’s blog, which links to the video. Mutant Frog Travelogue’s Adam Richards, who posted a video of a North Korean public execution on his Web site earlier this year warns, “Watching idly and wondering if everyone’s OK is unacceptable because we know exactly what’s being done to the North Koreans. Think before you watch.” And conservative Ace of Spades HQ writes that this is “a force for truth, justice, and, dare I say, the American way of life.”

One problem, however: SHE FORGOT TO LINK TO MY SITE!!!! What gives? Every other site got a link but mine. Funnily enough, I’m still experiencing a surge in hits from those with the patience to copy-paste “Mutant Frog Travelogue” into their favorite search engine.

Bidisha Banerjee, I beseech you: link to me! If not this time than the next, please! As someone who covers blogs, you should realize how precious links are to bloggers.

From Jersey to Taiwan

I first visited China in March of 2003 during the between semester break of Ritsumeikan University in Kyoto, Japan where I was studying at the time. I never wrote much about that trip, but my fellow traveler Chris Gunson, who was also studying at Ritsumeikan as an exchange student from Rutgers, has a good account of the entire journey (illustrated with my photographs and his maps) on his website at www.cgunson.com/china/. At the time I know no Chinese at all, and although Chris had taken a little Chinese in high school he couldn’t actually speak it to any degree, just understand a few words and read or write simple sentences. Since we were both students of Japanese, which has a writing system largely based on that of Chinese, we could read a decent number of words in much the same way that a reader of English can make out some Spanish or German words on a page, and traveling all the way across a country as large as China with only these limited communication skills to rely upon was part of the fun.

Still, after spending about three weeks in China without the ability to communicate with a single taxi or bus driver, the servers in any but the best restaurants, the ticket sellers at the train station, or any other local people aside from the rare college student, unable to watch tv, read the newspaper, and so on I thought that it might be fun to learn Chinese and someday return with the ability to do all of those things and more. Ordinarily this would seem like a mildly nutty decision, but since I was already living in Japan studying that language it hardly seemed unreasonable. During the following semester in Japan, my second, I made arrangements to stay for a second year so when I returned home to the States that July it was only for summer vacation and not for good. When during the summer I stopped by my home university, Rutgers to see some people and take care of some things, I dropped by the university bookstore and bought the textbook used there for elementary Chinese.

When I went back to Ritsumeikan I started to study the book with the help of a girl from Shanghai that I was friends with, but just doing a little bit every week I didn’t really get very far, and she was impressed enough that my pronounciation was less awful than that of Japanese people that she knew studying Chinese that she didn’t worry much about my general slow progress, and when we both ran out of time to study together I set aside Chinese study for a while.

About a year after my first trip to China I went again. This time I was traveling alone much of the time, instead of wandering aimlessly I was visiting friends that had studied with my in Japan, and the trip was capped by a journey from China into Kazakhstan. I originally created the first version of this site to document that trip, and part of those journals are preserved in early entries on this blog. Here are some of them.
2004 travel journal
HK part 1
HK part 2
HK part 3, etc.
Shekou
Shenzhen
Beijing
Yonghe Gong (Former palace in Beijing converted into Tibetan Buddhist temple)
Tiananmen
The Summer Palace and lost on the way there.

I never actually wrote an adequate account of the trip out west and to Kazkahstan, but there are a number of photographs in my gallery section, as well as of all sections of China that I visited.

On this trip to China I actually brought my textbook with me and tried to study a bit while I was traveling, but time was short and my level was so low that I gave up quickly and just enjoyed myself, and resolved to actually register in Chinese class when I returned to Rutgers in the fall. I had also been studying a little bit of Korean on the side at Ritsumeikan, with the help of a Korean girl that I was dating at the time and actually ended up registering for both Chinese and Korean 101 for the fall semester. (Sidenote, I stopped in Seoul for a few days on the way home from Japan. My travelogue from that time is located here and here)

I had assumed that because Japanese and Korean have such similar grammar and use Chinese loanwords in such a similar way, and because it uses a fairly easy phonetic writing system instead of thousands of characters that it would be easier than the tonal Chinese language to learn, but over the course of the semester I was surprised to find that while I had to study mindlessly for hours to memorize Korean vocabulary, after having already spent years memorizing Chinese characters for reading Japanese, Chinese class was by far the easier of the two. Studying two languages at elementary level at the same time was kind of inconvenient, so next semester I just stuck with Chinese so I could properly concentrate.

Around the middle of that final semester, one day in class my Chinese teacher handed me an application for a Taiwan government scholarship to study Chinese in Taiwan. “Do you have any plans for the summer yet?” she asked, adding “the application is due tomorrow.” Not even remotely having and fixed plans for after graduation I brought the application back the following day, and a couple of weeks found out that I had got the scholarship, which is $25,000 New Taiwanese Dollars (about 30 to one $US) per month, which will be placed in the care of the school in Taiwan at which I study for me to get when I arrive. What’s that? Although I was assured money to study in Taiwan, I hadn’t actually registered for an actual course of study yet, so I scrambled to get together the application forms for that, which in addition to the standard teacher recommendations also required a physical and HIV test (negative of course). The people in the scholarship office made it clear that scholarship recipients were guaranteed admission to the program of their choice, of course phrased a bit subtly. After looking over the various options I opted for the Mandarin Training Center at National Taiwan Normal University, in Taipei.

My flight leaves tonight (technically tomorrow’s calendar date) at thirty minutes past midnight. It flies first to Seattle, then I transfer for another twelve hour flight to Chiang Kai Shek international airport in Taipei. The scholarship provides me money that is expected to be used for tuition, rent and other expenses, but it actually only lasts for three months while I’m going to be staying for at least six, so I need to make up for the shortfall out of my own pocket, partly through some money saved and partly through the freelance Japanese to English translation that I have been doing part time for about three quarters of a year, and can carry on doing anyplace where I have a decently stable internet connection. Because the school dorm is for some arcane reason not avaliable to recipients of this particular scholarship program (incidentally, a rule that I also saw in Japan, which caused great inconvenience for at least two international students that I knew), I will be staying in a youth hostel (conveniently located across from the main Taipei train station) for the first few days while I try and find some accomodations on my own. Since the campus is located extremely downtown, as you can see if you look at this map of the area (warning, very large image!). The NTNU campus, also known by its abbreviated Chinese name ShiDa(師大) is located just a couple of blocks northeast of Guting Station, which is one of the largest in the city. Since the school is located in such a downtown area I may or may not be able to afford a room within walking distance, but I’m sure that going a couple of subway stops away would not be much of a hardship at all.

So this is it, I’m about to have some dinner, pack up my stuff, and head to the airport. I would like to remind everyone that there are a number of galleries of photos from some of my previous trips, and to look out for more of both writing and photographs here regularly and hopefully soon.

New Photo Galleries

Since I’m about to leave for Taiwan I thought I would finally upload some of the previous travel photosets that I had been meaning to post ever since I created the blog. Click each thumbnail for the corresponding gallery page.

Beijing, 2004

While in Beijing I of course had the visit the Great Wall.

This is a set of photos I took of the outside of an abandoned Beijing Opera house I found in a sidestreet. The decaying hand-painted posters are great, I only wish I could have somehow taken them down and saved them from the inevitable demolition.

Urumqi, 2003 and 2004

Turpan, 2004 and 2004

Almaty, Kazakhstan, 2004

Explaining Adamu — a work in progress

Hey, everybody! This is Adamu. Up to now, we at MFT have attracted a wonderful audience without having to explain ourselves, and we are thankful for that. Not that anyone has ever asked, but I feel the need to tell you guys a bit about what this site is about and who I am.

Mutant Frog Travelogue was born one day when the MF and I decided that the countless links we send each other over IM might actually be interesting to strangers. The reason this is a “Travelogue” covering “Japan” even though none of the posters is actually in Asia or traveling at the moment (that will change soon) is because we all have lived there, speak and read Japanese, and feel like blogging about it. Saru is an economist who happens to also be a talking monkey. We brought him on the team in order to raise this site’s average IQ. The wonderful, salamander-poison-yellow design is all MF since I don’t have the patience to sit down and figure out how to use WordPress. If you sniff your monitor while Mutant Frog is loaded the fumes will get you high. Try it now!

While those readers with a keen eye will realize that I used to run Adamu’s Jappanica (and also that I was once fired from Walgreen’s), some of you might be wondering who I am and why the hell I have any authority to write about Japan. Well, the answer to the second question is I don’t, and that’s why I am writing a blog instead of working a full-time job somewhere. All I can offer readers are the ability to read and translate Japanese (though not nearly as well as the ESWN guy can translate Chinese) and my own brand of forced wittiness and garbled politics.

However what I lack in authority or talent I make up for in enthusiasm for my subject. Japan’s not a great place, but I spent the two most interesting years of my life there. Some might say two years is nothing, and for some it might be. I’m different. I skipped my senior prom to go to Japan. I turned both 18 and 21 there. Where some people have bittersweet memories of their youths, I have often fond, sometimes tragic memories of Japan. My first beer, my first girlfriend, my senior trip — experienced them all in Japan. When I say, as some may remember, that Japan “irrevocably damaged my psyche” I’m not joking. I am constantly shocked at the ease with which my fellow expats are able to return home and all but forget what they did there. My fate is unmistakably intertwined with Japan, boom or bust, mockery be damned.

Being away is not unlike leaving a bagel out of the package — I’m slowly going stale. This blog is one of my many efforts to maintain a connection to my “adopted home” and its language while struggling to make a living in DC.

That’s not to say that life in Washington isn’t interesting. Far from it! There’s all sorts of interesting people, like the fat homeless guy who spends so much time leaning on a newspaper machine that his gut has begun to droop down due to gravity, or the guy who spends all day outside the Vatican Embassy holding a sign that says “VATICAN HIDES PEDOPHILES“. A multitude of black homeless people and wacky protestors — two things that are rare even in New York these days.

I’ve had some interesting jobs as well — babysitting a Kuwaiti prince and the First Daughter of Kansas and doing corporate espionage for a “hotel research firm” among them — but nothing I’d call a career. Right now I work two jobs: 1) translating legal documents that I don’t actually understand and 2) teaching English to Japanese men who make way too much money to get away with coming all the way to the East Coast and speaking the crappy nonsense English that I am forced to endure daily. And no, they don’t really want to improve, so can it. I am also a part-time slave at a Japanese newspaper’s Washington Bureau, which lets me call myself an official member of the press (ask nice and I’ll show you my press pass).

That’s who I am, but what are my politics? I’d gauge myself a pragmatic anarchist. The cynical jerks in power have no business being there, but I can’t very well kick them out, can I? So I’ll continue to vote far-left and hope for the best. You won’t find much political commentary coming from me unless something is obviously out of whack. My primary moral influences are Noam Chomsky, John Stossel, Asahi Shimbun, Utada Hikaru, Mystery Science Theater 3000, The Onion AV Club, and Miura Ayako. I’m not religious but I do pray that I can keep my weight down. My hobbies include avoiding my coworkers, blogging, and hanging out with Mrs. Adamu.

That’s all for now and surely more than you ever wanted to know about me.

My first State Dept. Press Briefing

In my search for gainful employment I began an internship at the Nishi-Nippon Shimbun last month, and so far it has been pretty rewarding. I already have a press pass, making me a real live journalist (now I just need to learn how to write!) and yesterday I got to attend my first Daily Press Briefing at the State Department. I’ll be going to many of these and other similar functions in the future so let me know if you have any questions you want asked (especially on Japan issues).

My boss hailed us a cab, as he so often does, and we arrived at Foggy Bottom a little late, but they didn’t seem to mind. All I had to do was present my press pass, give my nationality, walk through the metal detector, and I was free to enter. A short hallway led to a huge wooden door emblazoned with the words “Carl T. Rowan Press Briefing Room”. It was a scene I had seen dozens of times on TV: a well-dressed Richard Boucher speaking calmly on every world issue you can think of, reporters asking angry questions, all in an immaculate, velvety-blue room designed to look good on television.

A few things surprised me about the visit: a majority of the reporters were 30-something “hardcore journalist” types who had obviously done their homework and then some and seemed to know Boucher personally. They asked questions like this one about the Newsweek story that got people killed in Afghanistan:

QUESTION: Richard, just to follow up on the timeline — and excuse me if I’m wrong — it’s not a week from Monday, I think it was two weeks from Monday that the actual Newsweek thing came out, right?

They called him Richard! How cool is that?

Another thing: Richard Boucher is sharp as a tack. Say what you want about the State Department, but you can’t claim that they hire idiots. Check out this exchange between Mr. B and an angry French (?) man who sat in front of me:

QUESTION: Mr. Richard Holbrooke, a close friend to Nicholas Burns, stated in Washington Post, “No way U.S. troops to leave Kosovo.” I’m quoting. He predicted that Kosovo will become independent, there is no way about that, there is no question about that, and Montenegro will separate from Serbia. Any comment on this multiple division of the Balkans in the early stage by the U.S. policy? What exactly you are trying to do in that area?

MR. BOUCHER: We’re not making predictions. We’re setting up a process where the outcomes can be decided in a way that stabilizes the region, that helps the region as a whole find its destiny in Europe and Euro-Atlantic institutions.

QUESTION: Mr. Boucher, to be honest with you, and I hate to make comparisons, my only weapon is, as I’ve told you many times in this room, history. And allow me to ask how the two gentlemen, Nicholas Burns and Richard Holbrooke, and besides with them, the State Department itself, ignore totally the fact that Kosovo, the so-called sarcoma-kaposis, was created by Adolf Hitler, transferred Albanians from the mainland to fight the Serbs in order to control southeast of Europe seeking an exodus via the port of Thessaloniki to the Aegean Sea.

MR. BOUCHER: I don’t think either — first of all, Nicholas Burns and Richard Holbrooke are two different people so I wouldn’t lump them together in terms of their views. Second of all, I don’t think either one ignores history. I will speak for Under Secretary Burns, since he works for us, and the point here is to overcome that history, is to have a future that’s different from the past, and not to — not to repeat mistakes of the past but rather to move forward where this region can find peace and stability within our Euro-Atlantic framework that makes them part of the whole and not separate chunks to create problems.

QUESTION: But since the end of the Second World War, America was trying to reverse whatever Hitler did, with only exception of Kosovo. Why?

MR. BOUCHER: I don’t think I would characterize U.S. policy as that way.

Notice how Boucher is not only somehow able to formulate an answer to the man’s question (which was delivered in a thick accent from the back of the room) but also manages to totally refute his claim and dress him down.

The coolest thing of all was that at the end of the conference everyone got up and huddled around Boucher for an “off the record briefing”. Obviously, I won’t tell you what was said, but it’s generally known that it’s an opportunity for reporters to ask more candid questions in exchange for agreeing to quote the spokesman as “a senior State Department official”.

I almost feel like a real journalist. Now all I need to do is find someone who will pay me!