First, let me tell you why I’m writing this: THE HYPE SURROUNDING PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS IS A LIE AND MUST BE STOPPED. They are disgusting and deserve none of the fame that they have gained. Now let me explain:
I recently had the chance to visit beautiful Philadelphia with Mrs. Adamu. The first capital of the United States includes a major monument to its role in the American Revolution in the center, which was certainly very impressive but not quite impressive enough to actually make me wait in line to see the liberty bell. Mrs. Adamu and I were soon bored, on our way home we decided to try the famous Philly Cheese Steak at Geno’s Steaks in South Philly — the biggest mistake I’ve made in a long time.
I felt betrayed as soon as I took the first bite and was greeted with hot blandness. All the hype, all the anticipation amounted to this:
Listen to the ingredients: Steakums, cheez whiz, and chopped onions on a soggy Portuguese roll. WTF? That’s it? This is the same crap I’ve been heating up in the microwave as a last resort food for years! What gives, Philadelphia??
The only thing that made it edible was the hot sauce that was available in the condiments section. At least then there was something to taste.
Initially I blamed myself. Had Japan tainted my taste buds so that I can no longer enjoy classic American food? Mrs. Adamu, a native Japanese, supported this initial suspicion. But then, no, I reasoned, I still like root beer, cheeseburgers and pancakes, so I must still be American enough to have an objective opinion.
So how could this have happened? Millions of people must be cheated out of their money each year based on the false assumption that something is different about Steakum sandwiches in Philadelphia. What a scam.
Clearly the cheese steaks are popular — there were stands all over the historical district and both Geno’s and the place across the street were lined up. Why weren’t more people spitting out their food and demanding their $6.50 back? I mean that’s a lot to pay for what’s basically the equivalent of peanut butter and jelly.
The answer came to me in a message from God. Without warning someone in a car shouted “NAZI FUCKS!!!!” in our general direction and sped off. Were they talking to me? (I shave my head so who knows) I looked around:
(Read here for more about this guy and Mumia)
(Note the tribute to 9-11 next to the Freedom Fries — aside from us and some other tourists, the rest of the customers were cops and firemen)
It was at once obvious that this place that serves its dubious delicacies with a heaping help of local pride and admiration for the most prominent local heroes, cops and firemen. These people don’t come here for good food, they come here because it’s part of their identity.
Now, that’s all well and good, but why must cheesesteaks then become something pawned off on unsuspecting out-of-towners? Perhaps because without cheesesteaks and the liberty bell, there isn’t exactly much to differentiate Philly from, say, Boston, DC, or other second-tier American cities. Yet I can’t accept the idea that any claim to fame is better than none. You might as well brag about having the world’s best green beans. These things are BLAND, BORING, AND SHAMEFUL. All Philadelphians with any self-respect would do well to shut these scheisters down before they can do any more harm. Besides, I hear they’re run by Nazis.