(Spotted on Google News)

It’s hard to talk like a pirate in Japanese, but the best alternative is to talk like a samurai. Here are five phrases to get you started. Main point: Say “gozaru” a lot.

The Thai press (at least the English-language kind) is abuzz over the arrest of Jon Benet Ramsey’s alleged killer. He lived pretty close to one of my friends, apparently. But as for my take (not that anyone asked), The Onion sums things up rather nicely:

“An accused murdering sex-offender goes into hiding, and no one thinks to check out Thailand?”

In other news, the man apparently tried to get a sex change while in Thailand. They’re cheap here at around US$1600, so maybe he just had some extra cash lying around and wanted to see what would happen.

Conversation with a friend back in Philly:

Wade: it’s been raining here like crazy
Wade: the delaware flooded a few weeks back
Wade: a whole bunch of jersey girls were forced to use their big hair as floatation devices
Joe: yeah, here too… there was a big front that passed through all of japan at once so the whole country was in a couple of inches of rain
Joe: there were landslides etc.
Wade: oh shit
Wade: but then Koizumi stopped the flooding with his BARE HANDS

I don’t doubt that he could. (For that matter, I don’t doubt that his hair could be used as a floatation device.)

Photo by Joe

King Becomes Prime Minister’s Chauffeur

Aqaba, Jordan (AHN)—After King Abdullah of Jordan hosted a dinner in the city of Aqaba Thursday for visiting Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, he decided to chauffeur him Koizumi back to his hotel.

Koizumi stated, “I did not think the king himself would take me back to my hotel.”

After the king and prime minister talked for two hours over dinner, the king suddenly suggested that he drive Koizumi to his hotel in a Range Rover.

With the king behind the wheel, they arrived at Koizumi’s hotel in high spirits, joking in the Range Rover until Koizumi got out.

Thanks to fark.com　

For a reasonable premium, Mutant Frog Capital Partners® will send its “adjusters” around Tokyo to clean up any sad English mistakes perpetrated by your own careless workers on posters, stationery, food packaging or wherever it creeps up. Will also provide referral service for responsible employees to MFCP affiliate “Copywriting Ga Tanoshiku Naru Eikaiwa,” located at the scenic Iwo Jima Commercial Park.

First potential client: the “Independent Insurance Agents of Japan, Inc.”

Sirs: We must sadly inform you that nothing makes you look less professional and more like pedophile hitmen than proclaiming “We Are the Professional” on your website.