Adamu’s attempt at the TOEFL essay

The assignment: Write an essay answering the given question within 30 minutes.

The Question: Think of the most important class you’ve ever taken. Why did you enjoy the class so much? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

My time as an undergrad at American University was at first unengaging. I’ve always been the type of person who feels like they’re above the material and already knows what they need to know. Nevermind the fact that my grades weren’t all that great — the teachers just didn’t like me. That was until I took Individual Freedom vs. Authority, the most meaningful class I took in college and without which I may have even dropped out of college.

My first step toward an attitude change was found in the mountain of reading I had to do for this class. Before coming to AU, I went from being a top student in the honors program in high school to a community college where the classes were light on both reading and depth. As a result, I first often didn’t come to class prepared even though the teacher assigned Plato, Voltaire, and other difficult philosophical works on government. But when the teacher called on me to explain the significance of the Allegory of the Ring, I was stumped. The embarrassment of not knowing was a new feeling and I was determined not to have to do it again. From then on, I did the reading and took notes to make sure I understood it.

Harder still was the group work. Our professor split us up into groups and assigned each a chapter in The Republic to analyze and present to the class. While I had worked with groups before in high school, it wasn’t until I met the other group members that I realized that my classmates were not only more prepared than I, they understood the material better! I knew I had to get my act together.

It took a few weeks of chagrin, chiding from the professor, and low quiz scores before I realized my attitude problem was a real danger to my chances of succeeding in college. Thanks to the teacher and my classmates, who consistently set the bar higher than I did for myself, I eventually was able to keep up with the material and manage an A- for the course. The skills I acquired there came with me for the rest of my time in college and I will never forget the lessons learned.

Afterthoughts: Mrs. Adamu said that the structure was all wrong (Topic sentences first!) and that they weren’t asking for a personal story (though I insist they were). Comments?

2 thoughts on “Adamu’s attempt at the TOEFL essay”

  1. “I knew I had to get my act together.”

    C’mon, we all know you just memorized this phrase from your dictionary of idomatic English expressions five minutes before takind the test just so you would look smart for the graders.

  2. Well, I got an 88 in the final exam of English class in Japanese high school… 3rd or 4th in a class of 36. We native speakers don’t learn the ins and outs of taking these tests by doing them on the fly with no background information, hence the less than perfect structure/score.

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