Enormous Subway Stick?

I just got the following email from the study abroad office at my University. Please post suggestions for a response in the comments section. Let’s see who can get the best combination of goofy and believable.

Hey Roy,

Sara from study abroad…hope you’re doing well. hate to take up your
time, and i’m not sure how “for real” this question is, but it’s my job to
get them all forwarded to you guys who are better equipped to answer these
questions than I am! Umm, feel free to just give him a silly answer if
you want! Thanks!

Sara ******

email: Matt****l@hotmail.com
subject: Ask the Expert
firstName: Matt
lastName: ******
message: Is it true that in Japan in the subway stations there is a man
who pushes people into the cars with an enormous stick?

4 thoughts on “Enormous Subway Stick?

  1. Brainstoming here…

    • An ACLU-style organization tried to challenge this big stick enforcement with a lawsuit, but the suit was dismissed because of article 104 of the Constitution which explicitly gives police stick-crowbarring authority.
    • It is the largest cause of injuries in 14 of Japan’s 47 prefectures.
    • There were 142 deaths in 2003 and 118 deaths in 2002 from heavy-handed “enormous stick” tactics by local train authorities.

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